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Sometimes I just feel like I'm going to split in half.

I understand what people are saying but I don't get them. You know?

It's like I'm looking into their eyes and I hear every single word but nothing registers naturally in my brain. I blame this on procrastination.

Don't ask me why. I just do

Facebook Account Deleted

I did it. I actually deleted my Facebook account!

It was only a thought at first but then I realized something earlier today and just said, "Oh what the heck. I've deleted worse."

Cheers! I still have to pass the 14 days trial though for my account to be permanently erased.

I'll survive it.

God. The alarm just went off. Is it a burglar or something?

(Btw, it's 2:07 am here in Penang, Malaysia.)

Why isn't my uncle going down to check? Hello burglar alert?!

...Guys, I think I better tuck in for the night now before I get caught by my aunt or uncle for staying up late when I have Chemistry tuition tomorrow morning.

Argh. Tuition. They're useful but terribly annoying.

Pre-Haunted House

Guys, I really need your help this time!

I'm going to be a 'ghost' at my school's haunted house for canteen day but until now,

I have no idea what I'll be dressing up as.

The point with this year is that all the 'ghosts' will be famous supernatural beings

like mummies, werewolves, literal ghosts, vampires, etc.

And not just some wet flour slapped onto someone's face and then drench him in fake blood.

This year is going to-it has to be-the best EVER. Like ever.

That's why the blueprints alone should be able to scare the "planners", which includes me.

But I'm a scaredy-cat so I don't actually count. I did contribute some pretty cool ideas though.

Now you see them, now you don't. That sort. And there'll be a super loud siren too!

Just all of the sudden. Hospital-themed. Freaky right?

Anyway, I'm going to be the one behind the counter inside the haunted house.

The one that asks the participants questions and if they get it wrong,

OFF to the Path of Doom&Terror with them!

You can pretty much guess what happens to those who get the questions right. Easy cake.

But I don't want to look creepy ugly. God no.

I'm thinking more of creepy but pretty. Like what Damon from Vampire Diaries S3 said to Elena.

And I've run out of ideas. Can anyone "donate" some fresh ideas please?

So far I'm taking the-vampire girl with bandages around her eye and head-pretty well.

Though isn't that a little cliche?

Socially Awkward

I can't say if today was any good even if there weren't any lessons.

Today's Sports Day, you see. So every member of the school were brought to a stadium that had been built based on bad astronomical judgement. It was like crazy hot and I was dripping buckets of sweat even before I got to my seat. I'm not sure how long it took before the Sun finally rised high over in the sky because I was busy being some busybody at the ice-cream stall.

One of the guys there wouldn't let me take the scoop, even for a minute!

Seriously, I'm a much, much better ice-cream scooper than that one-layer bloke.

I had to battle him for a long time before he alas, relented and passed me the scoop.

The guy-(I call him Kai Kai)-was at my neck for everything. He kept on saying, "Oh, too much."

 "Smaller, smaller." And I was like, "Hey, this is such a rip off. You don't rip your customers off."

But I managed to slip a few perfectly big scoops of ice-creams to some lucky customers without him noticing...or at least I think he didn't.

Anyway, all the while we were there, I honestly couldn't help but noticed how...comfortable he was with me. Yeah yeah, I may sound like I'm being a bit too full of myself but hey, if it happened, then it happened. He was grabbing my hands to pry them off of the scoop. It doesn't seem like much to westerners but in the east? Girls and boys are no touchy-touchy. It's just too awkward.

But that dude, oh my God. Shortly after, he poked me in my stomach and I was very surprised by the fact he touched me. Even if it was only for a poke. No guys do that. 

I didn't even learn his full name till like what, a couple of weeks ago? I had to stop myself from frowning in utter shock. That's not even it yet!

Then later while I was absorbed with scooping the perfect ice-cream scoop, I felt hands over my shoulders from the back and he just shook me. Who does that?

I laughed it off like I always did when boys did strange things.

The teacher commented that he was trying to "tackle" me. It means court, I think.

And for a moment, I was stupid enough to believe it until I became quite convinced that he was merely infected with a 'touch disease'.

I was....disappointed to be honest but when I gave it a thought, I was taken aback by how sensible I had become. I knew that even if he was interested in me, I couldn't have accepted him.

It was going to be a waste anyhow. I still feel like shit, though.

I'm a girl. I like the feeling of being sought after. It makes me feel wanted.

But I've had enough, I guess. After that occurred to me, I practically ignored him for the rest of the day. But he wasn't the only one I was being cold to..

There's the other guy, Simon. And no. He's a whole other matter. A more complicated issue actually.

I was supposed to celebrate his belated birthday today with the others.

But because the ice-cream stall was being taken care of by Kai Kai and Jimmy-my classmate-there wasn't any break for them to go and celebrate Simon's birthday. The stall had to go on so I offered to stay behind. I gave the excuse that I wasn't all that famillar with the birthday boy anyway even though we were on the drama team together earlier this year. But that was it. I really didn't know much about him compared to the others. I thought it seemed quite reasonable but how the others viewed my choice as an act of disrespect...that I simply chose to ignore.

The birthday boy came over to the stall later. He bought everyone ice-cream which was graciously accepted, of course. I quickly moved away when I had an inkling that I wasn't included.

I was deadpanned the whole time and was deliberately looking away as I silently begged for customers so that I could fix my thoughts on ice-cream instead of that.

He was standing right in front of me, on the opposite side of the ice-cream cart. 

I heard him saying my name in a sentence cut short by God knows what and I just knew what he wanted to say. The ice-cream.

I hated it for a minute there.

Disappointment filled me when he didn't press any further. Save money, save my face, he probably concluded. I guess I didn't deserve it because I wasn't there at his belated celebration but still, the bite stung okay? You give it a try then.

My mood for the rest of the day immediately sank.

I reasoned with my own sanity that I am not a social outcast but merely a socially-awkward person.

It's true. Social outcasts usually refer to a more severe condition but in my case, I do have friends.

I just find it ridiculously difficult to understand them.

What's so big about birthdays?

I don't celebrate it and I only remember it every once in awhile because of the presents I might hope to get. Really.
God I'm weird.

Complicated Social Choices; to get even or get mad?

Okay guys, to get even....or to get mad?

And pardon me but I can pretty much assume that half of those who read this probably answered with a grit to their teeth, "Don't get mad, get even." I understand, totally.

Getting mad at some frienemy or a deck-sized b*tch can use up most of your precious nutrients and it's not all that worth the risk. If the horse-face wants to ruin you,
your natural instincts would be to overcome her pettiness.

She gets good grades, you get better grades.
She has a hot boyfriend, you get yourself the hottest one there is.
And if she looks like a model, you'll look like a queen.
That's getting even.
But lately, I've done some thinking and realized that I'm quite the impatient brat-no surprise there.
So I really don't like all the effort going into "Project Popular".
Most of the times, I'd rather get mad; after careful deliberation, of course.
And there are situations when getting mad actually finishes up the problem quicker than not getting mad.
Yeah I know. The quickest way may not be the best way but hey, at least it gets your point across to that thick-headed nutcase. I snap whenever there's someone like that.
And so far, everything's pretty good. God, I'm jinx-ing myself. Touch wood!
Anyway, getting mad also takes its toll...like for me, I get extremely irritated even after its been done.
It lasts for a while but after a short nap during boring lessons, I'm all good and ready to go!
But as I've said earlier, there are risks to be included. Analyze the situation first, guys. Then you let your wrath be known. 65% fury and 35% control.
Remember to "chillax" too.
Did I just contradict myself somewhere in this post btw?
Love 'ya guys! Have fun conquering your high school life~

Love is not for Me

My best friend, Colette, seemed very fidgety today. She was looking around and keeping her eyes opened. It wasn't until later in the day that she told me that she was trying to pass a souvenir to her "boyfriend" but couldn't, because their relationship hasn't been made known yet. 

She was worried-probably more embarrassed-that everyone including the guy's 'buddy group' would make fun of both of them, jokingly of course. And I was like, just give it to him already!

Sigh. She never did so we resumed our humorous little chat before she said again to me that he was acting coldly towards her when she saw him during recess. Moreover, I was further confused when Colette also mentioned that although they talked on the phone every night, she had been the one to start the conversation and even the freaking topic every time they did. 

I gave her a light advice and told her to follow these lines the next time they chat again,

Colette: So, what do you want to talk about tonight?

Guy: I don't know.

Colette: Okay, then I'm hanging up. I've got a lot of things to do right now. 

     Bye.

Was that awesome or what...a girl's gotta be cold because that's the only way to snap her guy out of a habit she doesn't like. And if that guy is allowed to continue to treat my BFF that way, something's going to turn out wrong one day and I don't like it when someone makes her cry. 

Simply put, I don't trust that guy. I never knew him (and I still don't) but even so, my guts are always right. More or less.

Ooo! And I thought of an incredible idea today. Did you know that there's a company in Japan that rent dogs to people who can't have one otherwise? Well, what if there's a company that instead of renting out pets, they can 'rent out' dates? 

It'd be super cool if you just want to feel what's it like to be a couple. At the end of the day, you two can say good bye and go home thinking, "So that's how it feels to have a boyfriend/girlfriend..."

But of course, it's unrealistic, I guess. And offending to some people but I was just fantasizing. Can't blame a girl for making a wish, eh?