Mid-Autumn Party

A friend from class invited all the chinese to a mid-autumn party~also known as a Harvest Moon Festival gathering, at his house. I was invited as well, or at least I hope I was.

But unfortunately, barely 5 minutes after receiving his verbal invitation...

I went absolutely silent and said that I wouldn't be able to make it.

I'm a little upset, I guess.

Nicole's going. Everyone's going too. And it really is quite near my house.

However I knew that he might as well not let me know about it.

There's no way my aunt would let me. And I was right. Right in the car I asked her and before I even finished what I had to say, she had that look on her face that meant much more than the word "No."

It's fine that I'm practically feeling like an only child.

 I just want to hang out with my friends and have fun with them without having to think about how much I owe the ones who now provide food and shelter over my head.

 My friends are not criminals. They're top students from the first class.

We all are. Can't I be trusted?

 Because last I checked, I'm quite sure that I'm not stupid nor desperate you know.

/Sigh/

Whatever. She doesn't even know about how my friends call me the "prisoner" because I'm never allowed out of the house other than for school.

Cheers.

Studying for my PATs

It's already been a month after I decided that I should probably start studying for my PATs.

What triggered my vow that day were my unsatisfactory results from my PPTs. 

And! The solemn fact that I have to apply for an important scholarship using my PAT results.

Unfortunately, as some of you might have already figured out, I am heading...nowhere. Period.

I always make a U-Turn towards my ipad rather than the study table. 

It's driving me insane!

I know I HAVE to study. But I'm barely doing my homework, much less any studying.

It is the pressure? I heard it does things like that to a person.

But I don't think I feel pressured.

Actually, I'm feeling pretty tough and all that.

Like seriously. 

I know right? It's just crazy how idiotic I'm being.

God. I remember that during Form 1, I was studying a couple of weeks before the exams.

Form 2, a week before.

Form 3, days before.

And now Form 4!! (=_=)

....a day before my exams. More of "the night before" actually.

I mean, I only started studying Physics AFTER my paper 1. That's why that paper was only so-so.

I know I could have done better than "No.1" for that subject if I had started BEFORE.

It hurts to remember. The regret!!!

My BFF said to me a few days ago that while I study at night, she studies in the afternoon.

(I asked her what she usually does after school. That's what caused her to say the above.)

(I take noon naps, mind you.)

In my mind, I was like, uhhhh.

You know why? 'Cause I don't!

I don't even touch more than one homework a night. How do you expect me to actually study?

And I started going for 2 cram classes a couple of months ago.

Chemistry (I have to. The chemistry teacher in school is hopeless) and Additional Mathematics.

The latter because it's a subject that requires doing lots of exercises and as you can guess as well,

I'm not doing 'em. Heheh.

/Shrug/

But I think I'm getting bored for these cram classes already.

It's really annoying to give up my precious sleep, you know. Although I do sleep quite late in the morning. About 3 or 4 a.m.. Even during weekdays.

What?

I'm just don't feel like sleeping 'early'. And partly because of my ipad.

Wait, what is this post about again?

Oh right. So, all I have to do is start studying like pronto!

You only need like 2 things to ace exams after all.

Time and unwavering focus.

Whahahahaha!!!

I have time....but I'm lacking the other one.

/Sob/

Creepy Crushes: Current

I always seem to attract the weird ones.
Like the ones that end up stalking me on Facebook and WeChat and all that bummer.
Sigh. I'm not complaining. I'm not!
 I just...I mean of course I'm lucky that I actually have guys who have these crushes on me because of God-knows-what. 

It fuels my attention-seeking self so even if I know for a fact that I'll end up hating the sight of 'them' sooner than I can say "Oh for God's sake!", I really really can't help but feel a hot flush across my cheeks when they come out about it. Seriously, it feels like all my blood suddenly rushes up to my face or something 

and I'm trying to catch my breath. And my friends aren't much help. 

They make jokes about it almost immediately
and one of my seniors even said that my cheeks reminded her of Char Siew Pau. Not cool. 

But anyway, the current guy is probably the creepiest one so far.

 He kept on sending me friend requests on FB and WeChat so I blocked him and pressed that big red DELETE button on my mobile contacts. 

Remind me why I gave him my number in the first place?

There are other things but I have to finish up my homework now. 

Physics...who needs Physics homework?!

Blank

Sometimes I just feel like I'm going to split in half.

I understand what people are saying but I don't get them. You know?

It's like I'm looking into their eyes and I hear every single word but nothing registers naturally in my brain. I blame this on procrastination.

Don't ask me why. I just do

Facebook Account Deleted

I did it. I actually deleted my Facebook account!

It was only a thought at first but then I realized something earlier today and just said, "Oh what the heck. I've deleted worse."

Cheers! I still have to pass the 14 days trial though for my account to be permanently erased.

I'll survive it.

God. The alarm just went off. Is it a burglar or something?

(Btw, it's 2:07 am here in Penang, Malaysia.)

Why isn't my uncle going down to check? Hello burglar alert?!

...Guys, I think I better tuck in for the night now before I get caught by my aunt or uncle for staying up late when I have Chemistry tuition tomorrow morning.

Argh. Tuition. They're useful but terribly annoying.

Pre-Haunted House

Guys, I really need your help this time!

I'm going to be a 'ghost' at my school's haunted house for canteen day but until now,

I have no idea what I'll be dressing up as.

The point with this year is that all the 'ghosts' will be famous supernatural beings

like mummies, werewolves, literal ghosts, vampires, etc.

And not just some wet flour slapped onto someone's face and then drench him in fake blood.

This year is going to-it has to be-the best EVER. Like ever.

That's why the blueprints alone should be able to scare the "planners", which includes me.

But I'm a scaredy-cat so I don't actually count. I did contribute some pretty cool ideas though.

Now you see them, now you don't. That sort. And there'll be a super loud siren too!

Just all of the sudden. Hospital-themed. Freaky right?

Anyway, I'm going to be the one behind the counter inside the haunted house.

The one that asks the participants questions and if they get it wrong,

OFF to the Path of Doom&Terror with them!

You can pretty much guess what happens to those who get the questions right. Easy cake.

But I don't want to look creepy ugly. God no.

I'm thinking more of creepy but pretty. Like what Damon from Vampire Diaries S3 said to Elena.

And I've run out of ideas. Can anyone "donate" some fresh ideas please?

So far I'm taking the-vampire girl with bandages around her eye and head-pretty well.

Though isn't that a little cliche?

Socially Awkward

I can't say if today was any good even if there weren't any lessons.

Today's Sports Day, you see. So every member of the school were brought to a stadium that had been built based on bad astronomical judgement. It was like crazy hot and I was dripping buckets of sweat even before I got to my seat. I'm not sure how long it took before the Sun finally rised high over in the sky because I was busy being some busybody at the ice-cream stall.

One of the guys there wouldn't let me take the scoop, even for a minute!

Seriously, I'm a much, much better ice-cream scooper than that one-layer bloke.

I had to battle him for a long time before he alas, relented and passed me the scoop.

The guy-(I call him Kai Kai)-was at my neck for everything. He kept on saying, "Oh, too much."

 "Smaller, smaller." And I was like, "Hey, this is such a rip off. You don't rip your customers off."

But I managed to slip a few perfectly big scoops of ice-creams to some lucky customers without him noticing...or at least I think he didn't.

Anyway, all the while we were there, I honestly couldn't help but noticed how...comfortable he was with me. Yeah yeah, I may sound like I'm being a bit too full of myself but hey, if it happened, then it happened. He was grabbing my hands to pry them off of the scoop. It doesn't seem like much to westerners but in the east? Girls and boys are no touchy-touchy. It's just too awkward.

But that dude, oh my God. Shortly after, he poked me in my stomach and I was very surprised by the fact he touched me. Even if it was only for a poke. No guys do that. 

I didn't even learn his full name till like what, a couple of weeks ago? I had to stop myself from frowning in utter shock. That's not even it yet!

Then later while I was absorbed with scooping the perfect ice-cream scoop, I felt hands over my shoulders from the back and he just shook me. Who does that?

I laughed it off like I always did when boys did strange things.

The teacher commented that he was trying to "tackle" me. It means court, I think.

And for a moment, I was stupid enough to believe it until I became quite convinced that he was merely infected with a 'touch disease'.

I was....disappointed to be honest but when I gave it a thought, I was taken aback by how sensible I had become. I knew that even if he was interested in me, I couldn't have accepted him.

It was going to be a waste anyhow. I still feel like shit, though.

I'm a girl. I like the feeling of being sought after. It makes me feel wanted.

But I've had enough, I guess. After that occurred to me, I practically ignored him for the rest of the day. But he wasn't the only one I was being cold to..

There's the other guy, Simon. And no. He's a whole other matter. A more complicated issue actually.

I was supposed to celebrate his belated birthday today with the others.

But because the ice-cream stall was being taken care of by Kai Kai and Jimmy-my classmate-there wasn't any break for them to go and celebrate Simon's birthday. The stall had to go on so I offered to stay behind. I gave the excuse that I wasn't all that famillar with the birthday boy anyway even though we were on the drama team together earlier this year. But that was it. I really didn't know much about him compared to the others. I thought it seemed quite reasonable but how the others viewed my choice as an act of disrespect...that I simply chose to ignore.

The birthday boy came over to the stall later. He bought everyone ice-cream which was graciously accepted, of course. I quickly moved away when I had an inkling that I wasn't included.

I was deadpanned the whole time and was deliberately looking away as I silently begged for customers so that I could fix my thoughts on ice-cream instead of that.

He was standing right in front of me, on the opposite side of the ice-cream cart. 

I heard him saying my name in a sentence cut short by God knows what and I just knew what he wanted to say. The ice-cream.

I hated it for a minute there.

Disappointment filled me when he didn't press any further. Save money, save my face, he probably concluded. I guess I didn't deserve it because I wasn't there at his belated celebration but still, the bite stung okay? You give it a try then.

My mood for the rest of the day immediately sank.

I reasoned with my own sanity that I am not a social outcast but merely a socially-awkward person.

It's true. Social outcasts usually refer to a more severe condition but in my case, I do have friends.

I just find it ridiculously difficult to understand them.

What's so big about birthdays?

I don't celebrate it and I only remember it every once in awhile because of the presents I might hope to get. Really.
God I'm weird.

Complicated Social Choices; to get even or get mad?

Okay guys, to get even....or to get mad?

And pardon me but I can pretty much assume that half of those who read this probably answered with a grit to their teeth, "Don't get mad, get even." I understand, totally.

Getting mad at some frienemy or a deck-sized b*tch can use up most of your precious nutrients and it's not all that worth the risk. If the horse-face wants to ruin you,
your natural instincts would be to overcome her pettiness.

She gets good grades, you get better grades.
She has a hot boyfriend, you get yourself the hottest one there is.
And if she looks like a model, you'll look like a queen.
That's getting even.
But lately, I've done some thinking and realized that I'm quite the impatient brat-no surprise there.
So I really don't like all the effort going into "Project Popular".
Most of the times, I'd rather get mad; after careful deliberation, of course.
And there are situations when getting mad actually finishes up the problem quicker than not getting mad.
Yeah I know. The quickest way may not be the best way but hey, at least it gets your point across to that thick-headed nutcase. I snap whenever there's someone like that.
And so far, everything's pretty good. God, I'm jinx-ing myself. Touch wood!
Anyway, getting mad also takes its toll...like for me, I get extremely irritated even after its been done.
It lasts for a while but after a short nap during boring lessons, I'm all good and ready to go!
But as I've said earlier, there are risks to be included. Analyze the situation first, guys. Then you let your wrath be known. 65% fury and 35% control.
Remember to "chillax" too.
Did I just contradict myself somewhere in this post btw?
Love 'ya guys! Have fun conquering your high school life~

Love is not for Me

My best friend, Colette, seemed very fidgety today. She was looking around and keeping her eyes opened. It wasn't until later in the day that she told me that she was trying to pass a souvenir to her "boyfriend" but couldn't, because their relationship hasn't been made known yet. 

She was worried-probably more embarrassed-that everyone including the guy's 'buddy group' would make fun of both of them, jokingly of course. And I was like, just give it to him already!

Sigh. She never did so we resumed our humorous little chat before she said again to me that he was acting coldly towards her when she saw him during recess. Moreover, I was further confused when Colette also mentioned that although they talked on the phone every night, she had been the one to start the conversation and even the freaking topic every time they did. 

I gave her a light advice and told her to follow these lines the next time they chat again,

Colette: So, what do you want to talk about tonight?

Guy: I don't know.

Colette: Okay, then I'm hanging up. I've got a lot of things to do right now. 

     Bye.

Was that awesome or what...a girl's gotta be cold because that's the only way to snap her guy out of a habit she doesn't like. And if that guy is allowed to continue to treat my BFF that way, something's going to turn out wrong one day and I don't like it when someone makes her cry. 

Simply put, I don't trust that guy. I never knew him (and I still don't) but even so, my guts are always right. More or less.

Ooo! And I thought of an incredible idea today. Did you know that there's a company in Japan that rent dogs to people who can't have one otherwise? Well, what if there's a company that instead of renting out pets, they can 'rent out' dates? 

It'd be super cool if you just want to feel what's it like to be a couple. At the end of the day, you two can say good bye and go home thinking, "So that's how it feels to have a boyfriend/girlfriend..."

But of course, it's unrealistic, I guess. And offending to some people but I was just fantasizing. Can't blame a girl for making a wish, eh?

Losing My Mind

I hate him. I do.

No one understands the extend to how much I hate him.

I need space. I'm 16 and I'm going through a psycophatic phase.

And I'm not stupid or delusional.

I know that they're not my parents that's why I don't think of them like that.

But when they try to over step the boundaries only my parents are allowed to,

that's when I cross the line.

Stay away.

Only one thing I ask.

Stay away before I lose my mind.

A Little Luck Doesn't Hurt

How on earth was it that Biology was even more difficult compared to Chemistry and Physics?

It's memorizing. And I don't think I have that bad of a memory...?

Sigh~

But the thing that freaked me out the most wasn't the fact that I might get low grades..

I was actually much more concerned with the fact that I might be surpassed.

For the past 3 years, guys, I've always been 2nd or 3rd (though there was a time when I fell to 4th)

And I'm just so arrogant that the trauma would be horrendous if I'd be surpassed by someone else.

I can't stop worrying about it and worse, my Maths/Add.maths teacher said that she was done marking our test papers and was gonna give 'em back tomorrow in school.

Argh!

If I don't nail that top 3 seat this time round,

I'm gonna think 'bout nothing else BUT my studies!

Or I'll have to admit that I'm just plain too stupid for upper secondary studies.

Or, if my aunt gets to me first, that is.

I'd rather go with the first, guys.

Nothing but utter denial.

Kisses~*

Wish me luck for my exam results!

Dolls, eek!

I'm so afraid of the weirdest thing a girl shouldn't be of; dolls.

Just writing about it is giving me the shivers (>_<)

I wasn't always like this because when I was little, I used to play a lot with Barbie dolls.

You get to change pretty outfits for them...

and match them up with boyfriends! (=^_^=)

Then I watched Child's Play even though I wasn't allowed to. (=_=)

....that doll.

I can't even write or form that name in my mind!

The worst thing is, my friends found out about it and started saying that name time after time.

~(T^T)~

Super Bad Week

Super bad week...

Remember my post Bad Day with Whipping Cream on Top?

Yeah, this is a continuation of it.

The aftermath.

1. So I found out that I lost my position.

The entire 'body' replaced with people who I can barely remember.

Except for 3 of them. They're tolerable.

\Shrug/

I tried to hold it in during the election.

And it was working until the teacher pulled me aside and wanted to comfort me.
Then I went faucet-failure!

Oh my God, it was so embarrassing.

I couldn't understand why I cried at all. I knew it was going to happen considering the fact that I'm practically the only one in the PSS that actually did my job and more than often, scolded the others to do theirs too.

But when I got home, I cried the remainder and then gave it a thought.

Why am I upset?

I'm supposed to be cold and unaffected.

Turns out, I realized that I cried because it was so fu@king unfair!!!!

I felt so unappreciated and taken for granted for ALL the work and focus I have contributed to the PSS!!

2 years! I gave it my all for 2 a*s $hit fu@king years!

And just so you know, I'm only in my 4th year in secondary.

I started when I was in my 2nd year. Since then, I never stopped.

Those people only wanted to choose another because then, there wouldn't be anyone to tell them to do their jobs anymore.

If you want to skip out on your responsibilities and obligations as a PSS prefect,

then go the hell on. Because my dears, I don't give a d@mn anymore.

After the 7th month, just you watch.

This girl ain't gonna pay you a glance.

Got a problem? Nothing to do with me.

Solve it all on your own. I ain't got time to cater to your pampered calls.

Moving on...

2. I lost the drama competition.

The reason? My bad script.

I feel down. But I'm also angry because the best performance awards went to the winning school when it was bright as day that Pritigavani and Ashwin from our drama team were the best actor and actress.

Unfair much?

Argh! There's too much injustice!

I'm already emotionally down when I'm at home,

so there really isn't a need for it to be the same in school.

Love is Orange

I'm serious.

Love for me isn't pink or red.

It's a bloody orange.

Simply short and sour with its moments hidden deep within its juices...

Some people just don't get that

so please,

don't intervene.

I don't need another human trying to be cupid.

If it's meant to be, then it'll be.

Seriously. I don't want to end up having to b*tch about it.

Big Lunch

Oh my Lord.

Magnum Chocolate Brownie ice-cream,

my usual lunch,

one carton of chrysanthemum drink,

a packet of Super Rings,

and a slice of honeydew...

Talk about biting off more than you could chew.

Too full, loves!

Live your own road

To hell with journeys together.

Your life is your own road.

No one can walk it with you because all they can do is either try to stop you or try to tag along before heading their own way.

It is how it is.

Live realistically.

Because if you don't, then honey, you'll be in a whole lot of sh*t.

Ups and Downs

Urgh! I'm so sorry guys.

I've been on a 'depressed' streak lately so some of my posts are about me being down by the late,

which doesn't matter to anyone, I guess T^T

Anyway, everyone has their own ups and downs.

Some are horrible yet there are moments where it's so high up that you just forget about who you are.

Teehee~

So don't forget your downs and keep still when you're up.

...

Pfft. It's that easy when you're just saying it, I guess.

Just try your best, loves~*

Genting Highlands

I just got back from Genting Highlands today.

Two words.

Old. Big.

Sheesh. They should really have it renovated.

It looks the same as it always has been ever since it was built.

And worse, it's deteriorating. Ugh.

Fear

Fear.

Instinct that keeps us living.

It doesn't need a reason...

Only a strike to the match.

We are always looking out for danger.

And yet, when fear senses a threat...

The thing in our head gets to choose what to do and ultimately decide,

shall we live or be sent to our doom?

Quite literally.

Time slows for some people and our body works faster.

Our heart starts to beat into a gallop.

And...

we live for another day.

See, I can write happy endings. Humph.

Love goes Round & Round

  "It hurts when I fall in love...

because then I'll dread the day

when you say you don't love me anymore."

Sigh...this is what happens when love takes one too many rounds.

Sweet Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's today, loves.

So how many of you guys got it better than me?

Probably all of you cause I only wished my brothers and sisters

"Happy Valentine's Day"

Though I did get a text from a friend who wished me Valentine's Day.

I don't think he counts, however

since I'm in denial of his maybe crush for me.

He's a valuable classmate.

I really don't want to ruin that.

I'd seriously rather have good friends than some guy.

But oh well, Valentine's not for lovers only.

Family counts too.

And I love mine.

Even if I just remembered that I bought and ate my own chocolate earlier today.

Now that's discouraging.

Hahaha.

Happy Valentine's Day, guys!

Remember to wish your family too, 'Kay?

Love to one and all!

Handmade in France, Sweet!

Blah. I went into Evita Peroni just yesterday.

And when I walked in, this extremely friendly guy

came up to my cuz and I

and was like, all "Hello!"

And that was fine.

Then he started talking about how good

the products are;

imported and handcrafted...the sort.

That was pretty good too.

Until he offered to try on this beautiful

hair clip on my hair for me...

He started showing me the multiples hairstyles

that could be done with that one clip.

Thus, inevitably, I fell for it like bees to pollen.

I mean, after all that, I had to have it.

-_-

Here comes the part...

My cuz was planning on paying cash

but when she heard the price,

she took out her card instead.

Even my aunt was surprised.

She said earlier that she knew that this brand was expensive

and thought maybe it was like RM30 for one clip.

But none of us expected a triple digit!

It was RM199!!

For a hair clip made by hand in France.

O'mahG!

=^_^=

I'm wearing it now actually.

Despite that shocking ordeal.

Okay, so maybe I'm doing it a bit wrong.

Correction,

RM199 for a hair clip.

A hair clip.

I repeat, RM(200) for a hair clip.

But that's for another's point of view.

I'm liking the first one.

Wink~*

My first HK Celebrity

I still remember the time I met my very first

Hong Kong celebrity.

I think it was in KLCC, Kuala Lumpur.

There were like lots of people in the food section I think,

and when I reached for some nuts being sold

on a wooden rack, there the woman was..

standing right on my left side

and apparently, desiring the same nuts too.

I couldn't exactly quite decide

if she was just a lookalike

or my memory served me wrong

(yes, I often tend to doubt my own memory).

She was surprisingly shorter than I thought.

And the moment we made eye contact,

that was when things got really awkward.

I was like, staring into her face,

trying to determine if she was who I thought she was.

And she was staring back, a little nervous by the looks of it.

We stayed like that for 10 seconds and

that is a long time, just so you know.

Fortunately, my aunt pulled me away before

things got really, super, undeniably awkward.

Thus, in the end, I never was sure if

my eyes were right and I still

can't forget about the way

my aunt asked me to shut up.

She could be more polite about it, you know.

Curses. 

Biology vs Accounts

Between accounts and biology,

I'd much rather take up bio, that's for sure.

It's so much more fun compared to

numbers, numbers and numbers.

And I'm not very handy with calculations either.

Strike one!

To fight and to Be forgotten

To fight, is to get a chance.

But to lose a fight,

is to be forgotten.

Btw, it's a sore to wake up so early in the morning for school.
^_^'